Tuesday, December 22, 2015

No, really, I have a plan...

If you remember, I finished my first* half marathon on December 13 (*first half marathon since having 3 kids and first since 2011). I finished it a lot slower than the ones I ran in 2011, but I finished:

I signed up for another one on March 20, hoping I can improve my time a little. It shouldn't be too hard since my time was 3:04.

So, my new goal is to finish the race in the time it takes to listen to the Hamltion OCR (It's about 2:45).

I have enough time to complete another round of training using the Hal Higdon method. I'm going to use the Novice 1 training program again because I just want to be stronger in my long runs. I knew last time I was really barely ready. I also think that finishing 30 minutes slower than my last half could be due to the fact that I'm about 20 pounds heavier than I was in 2011. So we're going to work on that as well.

So, what I started doing this week was the 5K Runner Pro program designed to go from nothing to 5K.The first few days have been easy-ish so I've been doing them back to back. Yesterday I did Week 2 Days 2 and 3 for my workout to make it more of a "long" run. So my goal is to get my 5K back to constant running, but for the long runs, I'll still run 3/walk 2 (just hopefully my run intervals will be a little faster).

I'm having some issues with my diet, but I'll talk about that later. I'm working on it. I'm optimistic.

Tuesday, December 15, 2015

I ran a half marathon (well, "ran" is maybe an exaggeration)

This past Sunday was the Dallas (Half)Marathon. I signed up for this over 6 months ago. But, my training didn't always go great. I hobbled through a 10 mile run a week before and really wondered if I had it in me to complete 13.1 miles.

When I woke up Sunday morning, it was pouring down rain. I would be lying if I didn't admit I considered just staying home. But no, I made a commitment, so I got up and got out the door.

I was optimistic at the start. I peed 3 times before the race even started. Look at this poor girl- she has no idea what the next 3 hours will do to her:

It was raining so much right then.

At the starting line, I started to take a selfie as I crossed, and these guys photobombed me:

They were super cool. They were from Gambia. They were just so happy and excited it rubbed off on everyone.

I knew I had to pee at around mile 2. Not fair. The lines at the port-a-potties were so long and I just didn't want to give up that much time. So I kept going.

I listened to Hamilton as I ran, but occasionally there was live music on the course.

At around mile 6 I hit the wall. I started to think I couldn't do it. I stopped, stretched, and considered sitting down on the curb and crying. But I didn't. Here I am at mile 7:

I started updating Facebook at every mile. That helped a little bit. Plus, my husband was following my route on the app, and was posting where I was and how I was doing.

At one point, just after I considered stopping, there were people handing out beer and powdered sugar donuts. I totally took them up on that. That cheered me up quite a bit.

I finished Hamilton with a couple miles left. My new half marathon goal is to finish before the musical ends.

At around mile 10 I ran into the guys from Gambia. One of them was singing "No woman no cry"... They were so cool and cheered me up.

Eventually, I did finish. And it was a great moment. I might even say it was worth all the crying, all the pain, the feeling that I was going to collapse and die right there in downtown Dallas... And thankfully I got a picture of the moment:

My time was 3:04:02.

I wasn't real thrilled with that time, but I kind of expected it. 4 years ago when I ran 3 half marathons in one season, my best time was 2:30. So, I have a ways to go to get that back. But I have 3 months until the next half marathon and I think I can improve on that.

Here's some more pictures:
"Look, I'm in shock. I've got a blanket."
Oh and I finally got to pee. Wow that was a long 3 hours. And I ended up walking about 2 miles to find my car. Ouch.

I don't think I'll ever be a person who can run 26.2 miles in a race. I'm perfectly happy to keep doing half marathons though and see how much I can improve my time. And maybe soon I'll lose a little weight too- that will surely make running easier...

Wednesday, December 9, 2015

What's going on with my son?

I'm going to post something that's very personal, and that has nothing to do with working out or running or anything like that.

My son has been having problems.

They started last year. He would have trouble controlling his anger. His first grade teacher was great, and she would give him space. She knew exactly what to do to help him. I know she really cared about him. She did warn us, however, that once she was no longer his teacher she didn't know if he would have someone looking out for him as much.

He had one major incident last year, where he swung his lunch box at a kid who cut in line in front of him and gave him a nose bleed.

Then this summer, I got my new job, and we decided to move to Dallas.

He has been having more problems since school started.

He has had trouble getting along with other kids, and when he feels threatened, he lashes out. He started seeing the counselor at school. We had a conference with his teacher, the school nurse, the counselor and his vice principal. This was in December.

They referred him to a counseling program that the school district runs. So he started seeing a therapist weekly. He also had a diagnostic session with a psychiatrist which I attended.

The psychiatrist suggested that he may be high functioning autistic. Suddenly, a lot of things made sense.

We have been trying to get through the paperwork to get him tested by the school to get an official diagnosis, but it's taking time.

In the mean time, he is having more problems. It seems like every day I either get an email or a phone call from his teacher. Friday afternoon his teacher left me a message letting me know he had kicked another student, and she had sent a referral to the principal. She let me know I should expect a call from the Vice Principal on Monday.

Monday I received the call from the Vice Principal, which I expected. But it turns out it was worse than I thought.

He had been in an altercation with three boys at recess, and he ended up swinging his lunch box to hit a kid in the head. He had a hard thermos in his lunch box and it hurt the kid so bad he had to go home. When I asked him what happened, he said the kids were picking on him.

Even though Vice Principal knew the other kids were not completely innocent (and admitted they would be facing consequences, even though he was unable to talk to me about them), my son was still in a lot of trouble. He would not be allowed to come back to school until one of us met with the Vice Principal. He would have detention on Friday afternoon.

My husband met with the Vice Principal Tuesday morning (I had to work). It turns out what happened has been classified as a Class C Assault. I received a ton of paperwork with the original incident reports and the official reports detailing the assault and also two lesser offenses (scuffling and disrupting the classroom). If there is one more incident, he will be suspended.

The solution the administrators and his teachers have come up with is basically to isolate him from other students. So, he sits by himself in class. He stands in line away from the other students. And he tells me, "Mommy, no one plays with me at recess."

My heart is breaking. The bright spot is he does have a friend at after school care that he gets along with quite well. We are going to invite him over for a playdate. But, lately we were thinking we were going to take them out of after school care because we can't afford it. But now I don't want to, since that's the only place he is having happy interactions with other kids.

Oh, and I also have a parent teacher conference with my daughter's teacher Wednesday, because her grades are falling.

Everyone keeps telling me I'm doing ok, but I don't feel like I am. I worry so much about them. At least the 2 year old seems to be pretty happy right now.

I would love any support or advice you have for us. And if you live in Dallas and have a second grader that likes Pokemon, maybe they could be friends with my son?

Monday, December 7, 2015

I ran 10 miles...

I had a much better weekend than I had week last week. I stayed on track with my diet Saturday. Sunday, I ran 10 miles, so I was a little less strict, but I still logged everything and stayed within my calories on MyFitnessPal.

I took some "before" pictures this weekend in the hopes that I will look at them the next time someone brings cake/donuts/bagels/cookies etc to work. Not going to post them here though- they were pretty horrifying.

So, yesterday was my last training run before the Half Marathon next weekend. I was scheduled to run 10 miles. I got through it by posting about it on Facebook constantly.

It started out well enough...

but by mile 7 I could barely move my legs...          
It wasn't pretty, but I made it...

I think the worst part, though, was that when I got home, I still had to help parent. My legs got sore almost immediately. I didn't take an ice bath, and probably should have...

I barely made it 10 miles. I have to admit, I'm a little nervous about 13.1 next Sunday. I know they say the excitement of the race will get you through, but dang, my legs would barely move there at the end. The good thing, though, is I've already asked for the day after the race off. So I can wallow in my soreness completely all day Monday.

And then in March, I'll do it all again. The good thing about barely finishing is surely the next race will be a PR.

As for that diet thing, I'm determined to stay strong....

Friday, December 4, 2015

I mean, what's even the point?

I'm pretty discouraged about fitness/weight loss/body image these days. My workouts didn't go super great this week. My eating went even worse.

When I start to think how long it's been that I've been over weight (over 2 and a half years) and how many times I've tried and failed, only to end up back where I was... I get really sad.

It's a battle against myself. I succumbs to the treats at the office this week. And I can't eat just one of anything. I eat like 5. And then I hate myself.

I vow each day to do better, but I don't.

As for workouts, I went home sick Wednesday and didn't work out that day. Thursday's workout wasn't great because I felt bad. And TODAY, oh let's talk about today:

I went to the gym and got dressed, then tried to get in the gym. There was no one at the front desk, the gym was empty and the door was locked. At 10:45 AM.

See? It says nothing about being closed at 10:45
Every day this week I set my alarm for 4:00 AM so I could wake up and workout, and then have time to make the kids' lunches, get their food ready, prep my food, get ready, and leave in time for work. Instead I woke up around 6 every day and had to rush.

I did manage to get my makeup on today, once I arrived at work. I just couldn't put my coworkers through the alternative.

But I still couldn't get it together to put my contacts in.

Ok, but there are some good things happening. I got my dissertation proposal turned in, and the Incomplete on my record turned to a B. I'm happy with that. I also completed my last class assignment of the semester yesterday.

So, what can I do to get control over my eating? How can I finally lose this weight? I haven't weighed in a few weeks, but I'm estimating that I'm at 160-165. I'm wearing a size 12 pants. When I got pregnant with Aubrey I weighed after I first found out. I weighed 135, and wore a size 4-6. And I looked like this:

Any ideas? Do I need hypnosis? A self help book? Drugs? I don't know how to get back to that girl. But I do find myself listening to this song and wondering where she went:

Maybe I'll get it together this weekend. Stay tuned for a report.